Tales of a Curious mind

In another part of the country someone’s friend  called them a pair of buttocks. Twitter got excited like a toddler over it’s mother’s breast. Not that I blame them or anyone but I feel the circus in Uganda is rather embarrassing to laugh at. When did we get here……….
Any who I shall spare you any opinions otherwise say hello to life series once again (drum rolls and fireworks tatatutu). In these series we have learnt to forgive, to move on, to break out of limitation and today we are in for another lesson.

POINTLESS FRIENDSHIPS

one would ask; when does a friendship get pointless?. This question is hard paper for many seeing there is no formula or special signs and symptoms. However,if you asked me (nicely) I would say this; whenever you feel drained just carry your feelings the other way.
Have you ever lived with someone and you felt like as you pour out yourself they were barely showing interest?. Someone who is not in the least interested in building you, or believing in you?.
I have spoken to a few people on this and they had a lot to say. Today we are going to share in line with what those people had to say.

The first person I approached is a very good friend of mine and this is what she had to say:
“I had this friend that always wanted to show me how inadequate I was..”
I freak out around paranoid people so I kept asking how she came to draw such conclusions until it got weird. In all our mambo jambo her defence was simple:
“Showing me I was inadequate was not the issue, the issue was how she did it”.
NB: Never confuse a rebuke in love for a pointlessness in friendship. You need friends that can correct you whenever you are wrong and still set you a way to get out of whatever pit you got yourself in.
In life you need two kinds of people those that build you and those you build. The people that build you challenge you to be a better person, the people you build challenge you to be responsible and accountable. It’s important that you draw a line between those kinds of people. The former are those that came into your life the latter are those in whose lives you came.
Much as it’s good to always rebuke your friends where necessary you need wisdom to draw a line between when to do so and when to minister comfort. It’s important to know when to speak, how to speak and when to simply shut up.
Sometimes all someone needs is a hug when they are down and a rod in the head when they sober up (not a stick a rod..). Always remember to apply wisdom…

The second person shared her experiences and I could tell she was battling frustration. Her view of the world was that people always wanted her swimming oceans for them but could never in turn jump a puddle for her.
Honestly I understood her pain, it’s sad when someone’s experience become a lens with which they judge everything else in their lives.
She said most of the people she had grown to hold so dear made her feel like the friendship was their responsibility ( eish!!! Good Lord but whyyy??)
If you are trapped in such a dilemma flee!!! this could even affect you emotionally and carry along with it depression.
Much as you need people that build you in life don’t let it reach desperation. Don’t lose yourself trying to make the best friendships work… Never!!. You need to value yourself as an individual and that’s the same value you will add to someone else’s life. I have something I say to myself that may sound mean but it’s truth;
“No one comes into my life to complete me before they came I was already completed in Christ ” .
This phrase has grown me so much. I realised that however much I love people and however happy they make me that’s not what primarily completes me I am in Christ complete!.
If you feel weighed down don’t force it. Life is too beautiful to be spent trying to prove your worth to someone that doesn’t see it!!,

The last person was a guy (gender balance what what). It appears that guys either rarely write off their friends or are simply nice people. In fact it took a lot of nagging to get him to tell me a tale of a friend he wrote off (hallelujah the nagging worked… Lol)
He said He had a roomie that had obsessive compulsive perfectionist tendencies (in his words) while he was at university. As expected he was a clean freak, extremely organized, responsible, name it. My friend on the other hand was his antagonist.
“The guy would snap over a speck of dust on the floor or a simple crease on his perfectly laid bed. “
I realised just how awesome my friends are, like how do you bear with me and not snap? (Lol). Life will always present you weird people some when you learn to live with you will find the best friends ,others you may learn to live with them all your life.
Allow me say this again; when you love someone at their worst then you really love them.
If you have an evidently quarrelsome friend and you love them irrespective then you actually loved them. Love bears and believes all things. However pointless a friendship may be if love still exists keep on keeping on but once love doesn’t it’s bound to crumble.

Am sure by now you are wondering whether am asking you to hang in there or let go. In fact am asking you to do neither and both. Friendships are individual you don’t need someone to tell you when to move on but again don’t let them drain you. Moving on is hard but sometimes it’s inevitable. We grow when we move on. But in everything let love lead the way.

1Corinthians 13: 4  Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

 5  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

 6  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

 7  bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Kindly leave a comment with your thoughts on the topic.

©Tales of a curious mind