WOMEN’S MONTH: Stronger Together but why are we always breaking each other?

I bet you came to this post because like me you have questions. You’ve probably seen countless hash tags on women supporting women or women being stronger together.

But again when you look around there’s an overwhelming number of women tearing down other women. It is even possible that you are a victim or you’ve done something that broke another woman. But like all of us you are camped here wondering why.

Well let’s have that conversation.

  • Socialization

socialization is the process of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society ie the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

You’ve heard people use phrases like girls are socialised to be this and that.
In Uganda for example from a tender age girls are taught to be ware of other girls. We are told that other women are out to get us and it is wise for us to be a head of them. You will often hear people say things like “women are their worst enemies” or a senga advising her daughter to “keep her man” away from her friends because women don’t wish each other well. So as we grow we internalize these “morals” and this causes us to mistrust other women or even go to the extremes of tearing them down. More like strike before you are struck down.

  • Collaboration over competition

You have probably seen this hash tag allover social media. You may have even used it yourself. I always wondered why women needed to be reminded about the need to collaborate. The competitive nature of women can be both a positive and a negative trait. Sadly most women are not competing over jobs, or things that bring about self improvement. Most of them indulge in unhealthy competition over attention from men, or other women or even strangers on the internet. And as we compete we seem to believe that another woman’s failure means our promotion so we go to all kinds of lengths to tear them down.

  • Comparison is the thief of joy

I see you judging yourself – well I am judging you to. I want to think the constant need to compare ourselves to other women stems from our obsession with societal standards of beauty and success. We allow other women’s successes to in a way reflect on our failures as opposed to remind us that because they attained it it means we too can. We become jealous of them and even start to hate ourselves if we cannot replicate their success. This is fueled further when the people we love or whose opinions we esteem highly also start to compare us to them. My polite reminder to you is that it’s our differences that make us beautiful. It is important for us to understand that we all have different races to run that are tailor made for someone just like us. It’s important for you to work on self improvement but do it for your personal contentment. Otherwise the bitterness that comes from comparison will have you tearing down and wishing bad for the women you believe are better than you
  • Self Centeredness

I honestly didn’t plan on posting a drag blog post but I definitely came for your edges. Let’s face it, women are probably the most self centered and attention seeking people you’ll meet (from personal observation). So when you find two women in the same space and one is often more centered the other starts to “feel a mango” (jealous). We have seen this with our celebrities every time there is an upcoming artist doing the damn thing. Self centeredness is a harmful trait that we all have to be intentional about unlearning. We need to understand that another person’s shine does not in any way dim your own.

  • Hurt people hurt people

This should have been up there. Again because most people don’t prioritize their mental health we often have people moving into rooms with all their baggage and unresolved trauma. You will find that most times people’s response or how they treat others has a lot to do with their personal experiences as opposed to anything about the other person.

  • The power of Social media

Much us there is so much good that has come from this digital era, we need to accept the fact that the internet is a very toxic place if not used right. Many people thrive on negative messages, trolling and gossip. It has given people power to tear down others with just thumbs and a simple click. I have personally seen women tear down another women because of the obsession likeability or for simple social media likes and retweets.

  • Need to fit in – CLICKS

I will not go so much into these because if you know me you definitely know how I feel about bandwagon. I have honestly never understood why a group of women would come together just to tear down another woman just for the fun of it. Like I like to say – people need help. And most times, really it’s just a projection of our insecurities onto another person. There’s something about hating people because they have what we could never have. I find the whole concept of this weird honestly and we should all work on doing better.

  • It’s not that DEEP

  • Yes guys!!
    There are women that tear down other women in what they assume or pretend to assume are jokes. Such people will often hit you with the “why are you so sensitive” or “it’s not that deep” line after they do something you consider trash. I am personally very careful with the jokes I make around particular people because what is funny to me might not be funny to them because of their experiences. For example if someone told me to stop eating too much because I might gain weight it would not be the same as telling that to a plus size person who has to deal with countless people telling her to starve.
    This is why it’s important for us to be kind and considerate because what is not deep for you might be deep to someone else.
    That’s just about it from me guys. I hope you enjoyed reading this.
    Please share your thoughts with me in the comment section

    Belows of love 💜

    ©Tales of a Curious mind